The day I knew I would marry Doug was on a beautiful summer day and we were visiting some friends. Our friends' baby was happily playing in her little plastic swimming pool, sans bathing suit. I watched my future husband lift the naked, wet baby out of the pool and toss her in the air, her curls bouncing and squeals of delight making us all laugh. He kissed her head and genuinely enjoyed her company. 

 

My goal in life was never to have a high powered job, lots of money or my name in lights. I just wanted to be a Mommy. No one could "play house" like me as a kid, I meant business. So naturally when seeking a husband, top on my list of husband-must-haves was that he had to love children and had to have a real Father's heart. Doug had those things and more. We were married on July 31, 1999 and began making our home and anticipated the day when we would start a family together.

 

Three years later we felt ready for that family. Knowing it was God who planted the desire in our hearts for children, we never expected it would take so long or be so hard to do. What's the hard part, right? There were babies everywhere and people were having them on every side of us it seemed. Everyone but us. I knew in my heart and God had spoken to me through others that we would have a child so we pressed on in faith trusting that it would be in God's timing. That was all fine and good for the first 5 years. As time marched on we grew weary, it all grew a bit old. Three years into our "trying" a lump was discovered on my thyroid by my doctor. It was not related at all to my inability to get pregnant but created a whole new set of issues. The biopsy, which was botched and nearly caused me my life, revealed that the tumor was "suspicious" and therefore needed to be removed.and soon. It was growing at a rapid rate. During the horrid biopsy, my jugular vein was pierced and my airway cut off. They were moments away from installing a tracheotomy when things started improving. As I lay there unable to breathe I had very little fear as I was certain it was not my time to go. I was very aware of God's presence in that hectic little room. The doctors were very surprised that I was able to come away from that experience in as good of shape as I did. God is faithful. That whole procedure did slow things up a bit: my surgery had to be delayed while I healed. I was eager to get it all behind me so that I could get on with my life and yet I knew that it would not be wise to start a family while my health was in question. So more waiting.My surgery was a success and my entire thyroid was removed. The tumor was early malignant. I am blessed beyond belief that my doctor caught things when she did. It was to be a year and a half, start to finish, until Doug and I could resume our plans to start a family. The set-back was frustrating and scary. I knew that it could be even harder to conceive this time around now that I was without a thyroid and my hormones were a mess from it. It would be another two long years of trying. I was determined in my heart to not get angry or bitter. God's grace was, and remains, always enough. We had a supportive family, church family and friends near and far who all stood with us and kept the faith even when ours ran a bit low. It was still a lonely journey, one we had to walk through on our own and no one could make it easier. It brought out the ugly in us sometimes and we struggled to remain respectful of each other. When you live with stress for a long time it can be hard to see its effects on your daily life. My assurance of God's faithfulness kept me going but I'd be lying if I said that made everything easy. God had us on a certain road and we knew He knew where we were going but it wasn't the scenic route with fresh pavement, if you catch my drift. With each month ending in disappointment I decided I had had enough. Following a ladies retreat with the women from Praise Chapel in which I received some much needed ministry and encouragement, I announced to Doug that if we were not pregnant by the end of the summer (2007) then I was giving up. I would be done with Doctors, done with charts and graphs, done anticipating. Seems like a move that lacked faith for someone who just received ministry, but I knew I had to take my dream and nail it to the cross. I let it go in my heart, telling the Lord that all I wanted was His will above all.and I truly meant it. That was in May. In August I took one last pregnancy test. It would be my last one because I was sticking to my guns. I couldn't take anymore disappointment. I followed the directions and had to wait for something like 3-5 minutes for the results to appear. I set the test down, walked into the other room and cried my heart out. I let it go. I was ready to move on if need be. I went back to the test and for the first time in 6 years saw the words "pregnant" with a J. 

 

Olivia Rose arrived on April 1, 2008 (no April fool's joke either). She is the love of our lives. Nothing brings me greater joy than to watch Doug pick her up and hold her close and kiss her little head. Her name means "peace" and it is our prayer that no matter what difficulties life hands her that she would always have the peace in her heart that comes with knowing the Lord. Let the storms roll in and out, we serve the God who tells the wind when to blow. Do not despise the storms; God will always use them for His glory if we will only believe. They help to increase our faith and to remind us that we are not supposed to be in control. We have learned that our hopes and dreams are much better off when we put them in His careful hands. Olivia was worth the wait and we know that God used that wait to build more of His character into us, in turn making us into better parents for our little girl. We serve a great God, indeed!

 

-Kerry Heavisides